Women's Olympic Wrestling? Oh yeah!

i didn't know women's wrestling even existed in the Olympics. seeing the 55kg gold medal match was a nice benefit of having a little case of insomnia. don't believe me that women's wrestling exists? just take a look at this guy:



or this japanese dude that won the gold:



sadly, none of these fine athletes were in the Beijing games:



not even Mt. Fuji:



oh well. maybe if she trains hard enough, she can get there in 2012!

Marvin didn't try to be Magic

if you've watched any Olympics coverage, you've no doubt seen the Nike commercial featuring a short version of this performance. simply put, the best and smoothest version of our national anthem i've ever heard. it's weird that this wasn't more popular before Nike used it (or maybe it was and i just didn't know it).

Breaking Favre News!

i'm more than a little tired of all the Brett Favre coverage. i hate when any one player becomes bigger than the team. this video has over 54,000 views. what is it? it's Brett running one lap at Jets camp because he fumbled during a drill. that's it. Brett running a lap. i'm embarrassed that i'm 1 of the 54,000 that watched it. why can't i stop contributing to the madness?!



i'm not sure what i was expecting to see. was i hoping a crazed Packer fan would run out and latch onto Brett without ever letting go? was i hoping he'd fall and hurt himself? i wonder how many laps Noodle Arm Pennington used to have to run? maybe he was too tired from running laps to pay effectively on sundays? there's your lesson, Dolphins!

i do think that it would be hilarious if after all this brouhaha, Favre got injured in the first couple games of the season and didn't play again. and while i'm tired of all the coverage, i can't begin to explain how nice it is to watch this much drama happen to another team. ROT IN HELL, TERRELL OWENS! FLY EAGLES FLY!

Top Rejected Facebook Statuses After This Morning's EARTHQUAKE!

Trevor is eating a bowl of cer-- OH GOD WHY IS THE APARTMENT SHAKING I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL NEVER LOOK AT INTERNET PORN AGAIN IF IT JUST STOPS NOW!!!!

Trevor is not afraid of earthquakes. BRING IT ON, GOD, YOU PUSSY!

Trevor can't wait to watch ten hours of news coverage of the fallout of "Earth Slam '08!" focusing on the terrible aftermath... like a broken bottle at a supermarket, a woman who had to walk into her daughter's bedroom to "check on her," and Rob Fukuzaki coming up next with sports!

Trevor wonders how uncomfortable it would've been to be pinned in the fetal position under his desk for hours and hours.

Trevor still doesn't believe that standing in a doorway would do a damn thing or that running outside where there's no building to fall on you is a bad idea.

Trevor wishes this...

wasn't the picture they put on the "Earthquake Preparedness" webpage. I don't think "canned goods" helped anyone in there.

The Six Million Dollar Hearing Aid

i just saw the saddest commercial ever. Lee Majors hawking "Lee Majors Rechargeable Bionic Hearing Aid." wow. you'd think for $6,000,000 he could've gotten a warranty on his ears. RIM SHOT!

to see the commercial AND get your very own...
www.buybionicear.com

So long, Nomo

Hideo Nomo retired from baseball after a 12-year career. please tell me this will finally make the 5-year old Nomo bobblehead sitting on my shelf worth something on eBay. i don't have to root for a horrible tragedy just to get more than $5, do i?


btw, that bobblehead could not look less like hideo nomo. whose the white guy they got to pose for the sculpting? did the manufacturer even know he's japanese? i'm not saying it needs to get all offensively over-the-top, but maybe some slightly slanted eyes...? is it cool to say "slanted"?

REVIEW: Dark Knight - BOO!

i didn't hate it as much as other superhero movies.

keep in mind, my suspension of disbelief is tough to reach and i did not grow up reading comics at all... BUT these movies always rely on the same stupid devices no matter how amazing the rest of the story is. here's just one example - if the Joker really is as deranged, crazy, and dangerous as they painted him, i'm supposed to believe that they put him in a simple holding cell with a drunk, they un-handcuffed him for questioning, Gordon went home to get some rest after capturing the most deranged and dangerous criminal in their scary city, AND they put a random gumba cop in his interrogation room/holding cell when there was no need to be in there? that last one REALLY bumped for me - the second they showed him, i was like "oh, right, 'cause he needs to be able to attack a guy to get free." apparently, gotham city can't afford maximum security prisons, straitjackets, or even the most basic training for their police officers. apparently, they also don't have one cop who's just crazy enough to kill THE MOST DERANGED CRIMINAL THE CITY HAS EVER SEEN.

now i know this technically doesn't take place in "our world." but it's not THAT different. isn't that the whole point of Batman? that it's a dark tale taking place in a fake city that's a lot like your own? think about the most crazed serial killer ever captured in real life. do you think they treated him a little stricter than the Gotham police do the Joker?

that being said, i get why people who are batman fans would like it. from what i hear, it's a great representation of the Batman comic. and the CGI stuff was maybe the best i've ever seen. 2-face's face alone was really cool. and i appreciate that it had a layered story with all the "deep" stuff you don't normally see in one of these flicks.

but i can't love a movie if it has the same holes that make me hate all these comic superhero movies. i'm just surprised you don't hear more of this negative stuff.

Classic SNL...

...i was thinking the other day of a funny idea for a sketch. turns out SNL did it years ago in a sketch i totally forgot about. while bummed my idea was too similar to do, i just can't stay upset at Farley for long.



YOU LIED TO ME!!!!

I can't trust you...

...if you can't even spell the part names correctly on your sign. sorry, zorro, but i'll be getting my "voltage sistem" and my "altenator" fixed elsewhere. (and by "elsewhere" i mean some place that spells correctly AND has an actual auto repair bay rather than the sidewalk out front.)

In honor of California's newly legal gay marriage!

it's true, i drank some.

New favorite old song...

...with a great video. thank you, 100.3/the sound of la for this one.

btw, the band is 10cc and the song is "dreadlock holiday."

Busy, busy, busy...

been a while, eh? times change... last time i posted, hillary clinton was still in the race (if only due to her own stubbornness), 'sex and the city' was just a tv show i didn't wanna watch, and ted kennedy was just another super-healthy, super-old senator.

anyhoo, just when i was getting into a nice groove of posting my musings, i've been completely swamped with a 60 hours a week job. now i know there's not many of you that are actually reading this as i don't publicize this blog (it's more for me, all right?)... but if you've happened to check in and wondered what happened., just been working too much. i'll be back, but probably not regularly for another month - at least until this show is done. on the bright side, i'm saving up tons of judgy thoughts!

Spinners and such

With very few exceptions, I don't wanna be friends with someone that buys custom wheels for their car.

In a world...

Who was the first editor to use Peter Gabriel's Solsbury Hill in a trailer? He should get an honorary Oscar or something, right?

The Things I've Seen...

so driving around LA, you see all sorts of things that confuse/inspire/anger you. here's a few from my last couple weeks. sorry for the crappy photos, but it's tough to snap good pics while driving a stick shift.


up first... this guy. he's got an old-timey motorcycle, a faceless helmet, and, yes, a backpack with a perfectly placed baguette sticking out the top. he's soooo out of central casting, i had to look around to see if i'd driven into a movie shoot. did props put the baguette there?!?!


this old volvo is PERFECTION. right down to the cute mutt hanging out in the passenger seat. (not that there's anything wrong with my old volvo.)


it's hard to see in this photo, but that is a nice drawing of a cow on the door. no other indication of what this truck's owner does. just a picture of a cow on the door. which wouldn't be so weird in wisconsin. but as you can see, this is on venice boulevard in the middle of LA. is there a nearby dairy farm i'm not aware of?


you see these douchebag DUI attorney ads all over the bus system. this one amazes me in its absolutely TERRIBLE picture. who can trust this guy to win in court if he can't even pose for a picture without unconvincingly holding the phone. "hello, amir? this is trevor. it might help your business to not look like an a-hole on your bus bench ad. later."


last one... very bad photo, but you've all seen this before: a hospital employee out in public in their scrubs. this woman, in particular, is wearing a full-on wrap thing on top of normal scrubs, like she's a surgeon or something. doesn't stopping to get gas defeat the whole point of scrubs?! being a bit of a germophobe, i will now be completely creeped out that the guy about to operate on my delicate organs was just touching a filthy gas station pump on his lunch break. i mean, even if you wash your hands, germs get on the scrubs... then back onto your hands... and then into my body orifice. PLEASE, PACK A CHANGE OF CLOTHES!

Hillary annoys me

didja see hillary's speech in carolina today? olbermann just showed some clips of her practically begging obama for another debate. that's fine. always campaigning. i get that. but like my mom said to me about ten times a day as i was growing up... it's not what you say, it's how you say it. it's subtle, but hillary was DEFINITELY sprinkling in hints of a southern accent. it's pathetic, isn't it?

i can't wait to hear her adopt a britney/madonna british accent next time she's in vermont before an aide whispers in her ear, "we're in NEW england, ma'am. NEW england."

this plus the knee-jerk reaction to lie rather than say "i don't know" or "i have to think about that" really upsets me.

Things that make me go hmmm...

how exactly do scissors know if you're using them right- or left-handed?

Gotta Buck?

here's something that annoys me and probably no one else on the planet... driving around a lot today and kept seeing burger king billboards promoting their dollar menu. the billboards say "gotta buck?" i'm not stupid. i understand their point. their asking if you have a dollar. but they're actually not asking that. you see, it should say "got a buck?" by saying "gotta buck" they're actually asking "got to buck?" (which means an entirely different thing). "gotta" does not equal "got a." how does this happen? did they just like the look of "gotta" on the billboard? did they not realize their mistake? is it a joke similar to that t-shirt that shows the union jack but has "greece" written under it? are they actually implying "got to buck?" and i'm just too dumb to see the genius of that? no matter what, it annoys the living piss outta (meaning "out of") me. so i just googled to see if ANYBODY else on the planet has noticed this, i found this intelligent blogger... http://littlemissnomad.blogspot.com/2008/04/burger-king-botches-billboard.html (who also brilliantly points out that "gotta buck?" is no shorter than "got a buck?"). are we the only people bothered by this in the whole world?!?! maybe that's good. i don't wanna (meaning "want to") promote burger king if they're gonna (meaning "going to") be all willy-nilly with the english language. f them. i got a buck... and it's going to mcdonalds.

What the polygamist cult has taught me...

if this is the alternative, i appreciate womens eyebrow grooming now more than ever.

What the f?!?!

thanks to the cynopsis newsletter for this... wait, is 'thanks' the right word?

i actually made it all the way through. my favorite character? the butchy/boyish fake courtney cox "bruce" pulls on stage.

Say what now???

Just overheard this at Starbucks... Barista: 'Do you mind waiting? I don't have any coffee.' Tee-hee.

Toxic music

i admit to liking britney spears' song "toxic." but being a reasonable person, i admit that that's cause for being made fun of. am i allowed to like this version? (she's the same chick that does the music in that macbook air ad.)

Great Underrated Early '90s Song

i have had this gem stuck in my head for days. i LOVED this song when it was popular... and it was pretty huge for a while. what amazes me is how many people i've asked don't remember it. EVERYBODY remembers the band name - kinda hard to ever forget Tony! Toni! Tone! this is my small part to get this song back out there. i mean, why have i heard Color Me Badd recently and not this?!?!

btw, if you wanna be a super-cool hipster guitarist guy that does acoustic versions of older songs outside his demographic (you know who you are), i present this as your ticket to stardom!

No mention of how he chills

honestly, things have taken a dark turn at Penn State.

http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2008/04/08/police_bell_pulls_knife_in_com.aspx

last week, it was a pervy basketball player "selling hand lotion." this time, it's a football player stabbing people. at Miami, these stories wouldn't even register but Penn State is usually better than this. let's just all steer clear of PSU athletes for the foreseeable future.

This is how I chill, ma'am.

thanks to deadspin for the heads-up on this one...

http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2008/04/04/pringle_denies_masturbation_in.aspx

awesome. since we all know most athletes are dirtbags, i TOTALLY believe this woman's story no matter how ridiculous it sounds. who couldn't picture some cocky basketball player saying "wanna buy some hand lotion i'm selling for the basketball team?" i would LOVE to have been there to hear her "impression" of the smacking sound he was making. and of course, nothing beats the explanation that he relaxes with his hands down his pants. "this is how i chill, ma'am." what a friendly, polite, reasonable explanation, kind sir!

2 Gems

1. this is what youtube is all about - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4awABkISAc - it's almost 9 minutes of LA city council insanity and if you can tell me what the h is going on, i'd appreciate it.

2. perhaps this is my next date night with the wife..? - http://www.grilledcheeseinvitational.com - be sure to check out the eric idle video on the front page. (now i'm really hungry for grilled cheese, btw.)

Clinton vs. Obama

i'm not the only one with the election on my mind (obvious alert!). my smart buddy eric has this to say on that fancy-pants huffington post...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eric-schmeltzer/till-the-convention-ugly_b_94341.html

i understand how tough it would be for clinton to drop out now. part of me respects even mike huckabee that he waited 'til mccain officially had the nomination delegates. that being said, sometimes it's more important to think "bigger picture." obama has the lead. most every indicator shows that obama will win despite it not being "mathematical" yet. i know this is expanding the argument quite a bit, but her unwillingness thus far to drop out, in my mind, shines a not-so-nice light on her as someone who's unable to work for the greater good of her party and the country. and we already have a stubborn, stick-to-his-guns-no-matter-what guy in the white house. no thanks to four more years of that.

Me... NOW IN COLOR!

haven't gotten a chance to post in a few days, so here's a quick and easy post that also allows me to break up the monotony of the last several text-only outings. see? i care about you, the reader, and your always-seeking-excitement eyeballs. don't thank me now. wait 'til after you've watched this clio-deserving performance...

so here it is. me. in a commercial i shot last year for peter piper pizza.

What's to hate?

while driving home tonight, NPR aired a story about the issue of electability for the democratic presidential nominee. the surprise of the story was that a group of experts was polled and they were evenly divided about whether barack obama or hillary clinton is more electable in a general election. i'm not a political expert (i'm not even a registered democrat - i lean libertarian if you must know), but i am probably more in touch with the goings-on of politics than most people i know and all i can think is: anyone who thinks hillary clinton is more electable than barack obama is nuts. simply put, REPUBLICANS HAVE AN EXCEPTIONAL, IRRATIONAL, RALLY-ROUND-THEIR-CANDIDATE HATRED OF HILLARY CLINTON. this hatred trumps everything else in terms of electability. republicans will rise up and rally for john mccain, coming out in greater, stronger numbers than they would against barack obama. republicans thrive on hate and fear - and those are the exact qualities that are most awakened (awoke? waked up?) when hillary is mentioned. obama as the opponent doesn't energize the republican base the way hillary does. and seeing as i'm no fan of this current administration or the current state of the republican party, i wholeheartedly hope that obama is the nominee come election day.

btw, wanna have some fun? find a staunch republican, casually bring up hillary clinton, and watch them squirm and get angry. then, ask them why they hate her so much. i've done it multiple times and no one has EVER had an answer. it's like they've all been brainwashed to hate her... but don't know why.

Tech Support OCTDUX

first, i'm getting tired of the names of these tech support posts yet i remain loyal to the system i've created.

second, was out all day, but i'm fairly certain the dsl is working correctly. which makes this confusing all over again...

third, ANOTHER voicemail from verizon today. the whole "courtesy call" to let me know they're still working on the problem. perhaps if they actually worked this hard on it, i wouldn't have had to call in so many times.

seriously, verizon, you're making yourself look needy and desperate. if you have to call every day to tell me you're still working on it... when it seems to already be fixed... maybe you never really understood the problem our relationship had in the first place.

Tech Support SEPTDUX

2:20pm today - another recorded phone call from verizon, "this is a courtesy call to let you know that we are still working on your problem."

how 'bout you show me the courtesy of NOT CONFUSING ME ANYMORE?!

Tech Support SEXDUX

let me start by saying this: our dsl appears to be fixed. i say this because it doesn't seem to be going out intermittently anymore. if it's been going out the last day, it did it when neither me nor my wife were using the internet.

all that said, it's hard to tell whether verizon is done working on it or not. there were at least three calls yesterday from verizon. the first said essentially "we've fixed your problem. if you need more help, call back in the next day or we'll close the trouble ticket." the next two recordings said essentially "we're still working on your problem." is this a byproduct of them not properly closing out trouble tickets from calls 1 through 4? i don't know. do they not check the account to see if other employees already fixed the problem? apparently not. all i know is we're practically right back at the beginning because our dsl works... FOR NOW.

Tech Support CINCDUX

at this point, i'm just glad there'll have to be, at the very least, a wrap-up sixth tech support post 'cause it'll be fun to type "sexdux."

HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE is where the journey has taken us so far.

after having the rep hang up on me not ten seconds after begging me not to hang up, i decided to wait five minutes. why? well, i thought maybe, just this once, they might actually use the "alternate callback number" they've asked for on every phone call.

nope.

i call back, work my way through the menus, get in touch with a new rep named "James." he very quickly puts me in contact with his team leader, "Charlie", who tells me he is monitoring the situation because he knows i've called in a few times.

without getting into the boring details, the first 15 minutes was more power down/restart/reconnect stuff. the next 40 minutes was a series of efforts to escalate the trouble ticket so that the central office can try to fix the problem. this involved mostly waiting on hold while he worked on the report with an occasional "don't worry, sir, i'm still here working on your problem."

he claims to have gotten the ticket escalated to the MAIN CENTRAL OFFICE (is that part of the dharma initiative, by any chance?). now, it will be fixed by tuesday - at which point, i am supposed to get a call either way tuesday morning from the MAIN CENTRAL OFFICE about the status and whether or not a tech repair guy needs to come out to the apartment building.

i can only assume i will both hear nothing from verizon, still have intermittent dsl outages, and have to call back on tuesday. thank god there's basketball to watch.

Tech Support QUATDUX

sunny saturday here at the beach... and a perfect time to call back verizon dsl regarding the problem i previously discussed HERE, HERE, and HERE.

this call went much the same as the last three. rep sees that previous tickets were started, asks what the problem is, has me do the power down/restart process while he does the same thing that didn't work the last three times. when it doesn't work, he has me remove the router from my set-up and just connect directly to the modem and press and hold the reset button for a minute. still doesn't work.

here's where it gets HILARIOUS. he seems to finally realize there's a bigger problem and says, "i'm going to have to put you on hold for a couple minutes while i connect to the central office. please don't hang up on me."

"i won't."

"okay. don't hang up. i will be back in a minute."

CLICK. SILENCE. WAITING IN THE HOPES THAT THE CLICKS AREN'T THE CLICKS OF BEING HUNG UP ON. SILENCE. OPERATOR VOICE: "THE TIME ALLOTTED FOR YOU TO DIAL HAS PASSED. PLEASE HANG UP AND TRY AGAIN."

after hearing it three times, i hang up.

Rules for Commercials

i've been watching a lot of basketball these last couple days what with the NCAA tourney and my beloved SYRACUSE in the NIT. which means - i've been watching a lot of commercials. the same commercials. which usually means hitting the mute button. but not always! since i'm smack dab in the middle of the male, 18-49 demographic, i figure ad people might wanna know what i like. so here it is, some simple rules for a good commercial during a basketball game:

1. make it funny. really funny. something that's funny after repeated viewings. for example, SONIC runs those commercials with people in the car outside a sonic and they're all great. i even go so far as to take the tv off of mute when they air. of course, i've seen the mocha java chiller one a thousand times now - maybe time to surprise me with a different one.
   
2. if you're not gonna go funny, put a dog in it. BUD LIGHT repeatedly tries to do funny commercials, but they're usually lame and annoying. however, in the "gives you the ability to speak with animals" one, they counteract the lameness with a cute dog saying "sausage" over and over. and i watch over and over. also good, the sports for PURINA (i think) where the voiceover is the dog talking about how he ended up in the pound and how happy he would be to get adopted. tearjerker every time.
   
3. don't go dramatic unless it involves athletes kicking ass. good example: the new line of "my better is better than your better" from NIKE. they've got that kick ass saul williams "list of demands" song in the one version, too. under no circumstances should you take someone funny and put them in a non-funny commercial. DO YOU HEAR ME, BUDWEISER?! WHY ARE YOU WASTING ROB RIGGLE IN A WHOLE CAMPAIGN OF SERIOUS ADS?!?!

that's all i got for now. but it's only the second day of the tournament...

Genius

found these over at bobanddavid.com... simple idea executed perfectly.

Tech Support TREDUX

that's right... the dsl made it a whole ten minutes this time! and to think, i was optimistic because the last verizon rep didn't end with "for now." i should've known. it's always taken multiple phone calls to get our dsl fixed. my patience is wearing thin, BUT there are some positives...

1. i didn't have to wait on hold on any of the three calls. that is a HUGE improvement for verizon. used to be at least ten minutes of hold per call AT LEAST.
2. i didn't get connected with their dial-up service department. used to be EVERY TIME i called i would wait on hold, get sent to the dial-up department, get transferred, and have to wait on hold again.
3. the verizon reps didn't make me jump through hoops. i didn't have to say, "i've already done this twice! can we please move onto the next level of service?!?!" they saw my previous calls and acknowledged the problem.

i remain hopeful that it will get fixed. they said it should be fixed by saturday. it's in the hands of the mythical "central office" now and they will handle it until it's fixed without me having to call again. wanna take bets?

Tech Support REDUX

well, it seems like the "goodbye for now" truly was eerily prophetic. not even a minute after i hung up the phone with verizon tech support, the dsl went out again. i called back and it seems like we did a more thorough job of powering down and resetting. it works. for now.

Tech Support

had some dsl problems over the last day. called verizon and they claim to have fixed the ip address issue. but in general, what's the exact wrong way for a customer service rep to end a phone call? how about this...

"goodbye for now."

have two little words ever seemed so ominous? FOR NOW. oh boy.

REVIEW: Top Gear

there's a show that has completely captured my fan-dom... Top Gear. it airs on BBC America here in the US. and it is awesome. if you're from the UK, i'm sure you've seen it many many times since it's been airing for something like thirty years. (though they re-tooled it in 2001 or so, according to wikipedia, to give it the current format.) it's a car show... but appeals greatly to non-car people, too... as my wife would attest. they do more than review high-end cars. they review everyday cars, too... it's a lot more relatable when one segment is about a bugatti and the next is about cargo vans. they also participate in ridiculous challenges - racing across europe in a car bought for $1000 is a typical premise... and it's just the sort of thing that myself and my buddies would LOVE to do if we didn't have real life getting in the way.

while the ultimate compliment is to make an american version of a show - and they are working on an american version - it's the hosts that worry me most. you just know an american network/casting is going to go either "too big" or "too non-car guy" with the hosts... whereas the british hosts (presenters, as they say) fit the show without overpowering it, i suspect american producers won't do the same. if they're smart, they'll think more along the lines of the sportscenter guys and less about danny bonaduce or mark mcgrath.

not to mention - and this is no small point - THE SHOW IS ALREADY IN ENGLISH. you don't need an american version to do the same exact things that the british guys are already doing. half the time, they're doing high-end, ultra-fast sports cars - a ferrari is a ferrari in the UK and the US. the other half is beater cars - an old fiat in the UK is an old omni in the US. can we really not deal with an accent and some different places? does it make it better for us if they drive from philly to pittsburgh instead of london to edinburgh? no.

while i don't trust the american version to be as good... or even remotely necessary... i do know the british version is fantastic.

http://www.topgear.com/

Garfield is funny again...

a buddy forwarded this to me last week and it really is compelling, funny, intriguing, etc. who knew that the key to making Garfield funny was... removing Garfield!?

www.garfieldminusgarfield.com for a whole bunch more.

Just wonderful

i can't even begin to explain how badly i want to know the backstory of this video. thoughts?

Family Trip

been over a week since i've posted... got busy right before a six-day trip out of town to visit the in-laws in florida. had a great time, the wife's family is very nice and was very accommodating. but still, the trip begs some questions...

at what age do you no longer care whether or not you're getting the most out of your high-tech gear? i couldn't blog because they don't have their wireless router plugged in. no big deal. though one would think that it'd be easier to just leave it hooked up rather than undo it. i know i haven't touched my router in years. would've been more "online" if not for the fact that their computer is the absolute slowest i've ever used. as best we can tell, mom and dad in-law have close to a hundred different spyware and virus protection programs running all the time. good if you're surfing oodles of porn. bad if you, like them, just want to check some e-mail and download a crossword puzzle or twenty. anyway, when we weren't using the computer, we were watching a decent amount of tv on their nice, hi-def set. only they rarely ever had the screen on the correct setting. they would put on NBC or CBS in HD... but would leave it on the setting that stretches the non-HD channels to fill up the whole widescreen. therefore, everything's stretched to fit and nothing's actually in HD even though we're on the HD channel. i tried my best to fix it whenever they weren't nearby the remote... but it always went back to the wrong setting, leaving me unable to pay attention to the show or the cut-off ticker at the bottom of the screen. do they not even notice?! and lastly, there was some lag in the surround sound whenever a DVD was played... leaving a slight, but very noticeable, echo effect. very annoying. very unnoticed by anyone but me apparently.

other, less answerable questions:
at what age do you begin to panic if you're not leaving for the airport three hours in advance? ft. myers is no o'hare - security lines aren't gonna be draped down I-75. we'll make it okay.

at what age do you make the jump from an occasional crossword puzzle to many, making them the main activity of the day?

in the ft. myers/naples area, where does anyone under 60 live? their neighborhood is practically a retirement community without being billed as that. in five days, i saw exactly one person under the age of 40 besides myself, my wife, and my nieces.

what's more fun than watching other families do their "family thing"? my brother-in-law repeatedly ribbed his parents for thinking it was cold when it went below 55 degrees. my wife would scream at her dad when he fast-forwarded what he thought was a slow part of a movie. and everyone just went on their merry way. i know similar things occur in my family and it'd be funny to be new enough to notice them.

besides these funny annoyances, it was a great trip. i look forward to seeing them all again soon and noticing even more quirks and idiosyncrasies.

REVIEW: Landmark Theaters and Charlie Bartlett

did another date night with the wife last night. i think i like her like her... weird. we've wanted to see the new Landmark Theaters in the westside pavilion and finally found a movie worth going there for... Charlie Bartlett. i guess i'm supposed to warn you that there's spoilers in this review... but then again, if you've ever seen a movie before, i'm not giving anything away that you wouldn't already know.

first things first, the theaters were nice. inside, they're your typical new design with stadium seating, huge screens, good sound, and that guy that comes out and talks to you before the flick starts. "wait, wait. if there's a problem with the movie projection, i should get up and do what? i'm confused!" they're very arclight-esque... but the lobby and surroundings are smaller and less design-centric. only real problem: when you walk out of the theater after the movie, they have fluorescent lights in the floor that are at worst blinding and at least really uncomfortable for the first few steps out of the darkness. hey, landmark - get a dimmer! then again, maybe if the movie was better, the lights wouldn't be so bad.

and onto the movie... Charlie Bartlett starring Anton Yelchin. wife and i have been a fan of his since he played Birdy on the too-short-lived drama Huff on showtime. but Charlie Bartlett is no Huff. it's the kind of movie you watch and think, "hmmm, it seems like a really good idea. where did they go so wrong in the execution?!" the most glaring problem for us was the near total lack of a realistic high school experience. apparently, the writer and director never went to high school and used cheesy, early '80s movies as their only research... right down to the bad, bully character that has tattoos and gains satisfaction acting in a play, the high school party that could never occur in any high school anywhere (live band playing in a packed theater?!), and the dating the principal's daughter storyline (spoiler: they actually really like each other!). it had so many devices that were so unrealistic, it completely took you out of enjoying the story of a rich, prep school kid that gains acceptance by being a quasi-school psychiatrist. kids line up for his advice... literally dozens deep, and the principal Robert Downey, Jr. has NO clue what's going on in the restroom stalls?!?! and there was some sub-plot about students being pissed that security cameras were installed in their outdoor student lounge. okay, i'll buy kids might be angry about security cameras... but it's in a student lounge that is so not what a real student lounge would be like if i believed public schools actually had "student lounges." our two favorite parts (for all the wrong reasons): charlie returning to school to the ridiculous cheers of the student body, who line the hallway and clap as he walks to his locker... and the moment when charlie and the bully/new business partner sell ritalin to the kids at the dance and the kids freak out like they dropped bad acid (though that was a nice way to work in some boobs!).

very disappointing movie... i urge you, if you're looking for a coming-of-age type of flick, to rent Outside Providence... which is roughly this story in reverse. a bad kid goes from public to private school. then again, i would like someone else to see this movie 'cause i think it'd be really fun to one-up each other with "ooh, remember that stupidness when..."

REVIEW: Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me LIVE!

the wife and i went to the steve allen theater last night for a show. yes, it was "date night." and what better way to celebrate our marital bliss than by listening to comics talk about their past failed attempts at romance? it was ben karlin's (the onion, the daily show, the colbert report) "things i've learned from women who've dumped me LIVE!"

overall, a very good show... patton oswalt hosted and while i don't always love him (he's a bit too nerd-cranky for me), he did a funny set about going to the oscars and other topical stuff. the only distraction was that i kept thinking to myself, "what does this have to do with learning from women who've dumped him?" i guess his set wasn't supposed to connect. anyhoo... larry wilmore (creator of "the bernie mac show" and now SENIOR black correspondent for "the daily show") read an abridged piece with a title something along the lines of "women are never too young to hurt you." it was basically a diary of the first year of his daughter's life... and how she hated her dad. nothing riveting and SPOILER ALERT he still loves her a year later. david wain (the state, stella, wainy days) did a hysterical staged reading with kerri kinney and david krumholz of wain's attempted wooing of a girl that defines the word "flake." i can already anticipate the wife and i saying "okay then, just keep me in the loop" whenever we have phone conversations that already finalize our plans. rodney rothman (former letterman writer) presented, via iChat, an animated piece of a phone call he had with jessica, a girl he's had a crush on since high school and a girl who does NOT remember making out with rodney years ago. bob odenkirk (mr. show) kicked ass with a faux-seminar coaching people to put 9 years (!!!) into a relationship before bailing. and OK Go provided the live music.

3 out of 4 readings were hysterical. wilmore's was still all right - just not my cup of tea. the music was decent - though i could've done with hearing a couple more songs since i'm probably never gonna get such an intimate OK Go show. and patton oswalt was really funny throughout the night. i highly recommend going if they continue putting these shows up in NYC or LA... but since the "cast" rotates, be sure to make sure you like the people reading that night.

http://www.steveallentheater.com/dumped
& http://www.amazon.com/Things-Learned-Women-Whove-Dumped/dp/0446580694

Craigslist Culver City Rental

i'm all for trying to sell potential customers on your rental unit, but you've gotta have some scruples. right? anyone? no?

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/apa/581946618.html

if you're too lazy to click and read, let me summarize it for you. they take a paragraph describing the amenities and characteristics of this culver city apartment and end with this: "And coming soon a TRAIN that goes from Downtown LA to Culver City to Santa Monica." COMING SOON?!?! they are YEARS away from having the expo line done... and even further from having the portion that goes from culver city to santa monica. absolute nonsense! it's a cheap ploy to get some interest in your place... because nobody in their right mind worries about a possible amenity TEN YEARS FROM NOW.

i sent an e-mail to curbed about it last night - they have a recurring feature highlighting bad craigslist ads i thought this would be great for. anyway, there's some funny comments over there...
http://la.curbed.com/archives/2008/02/culver_city_ren.php#reader_comments

Jane Fonda: UPDATE?

seriously, people, it's been over a week since hanoi jane said the-c-word on the today show and, as far as i know, she's still walking free. not only that, but our country is still humming along, seemingly unaffected, as if all is right and fine. it's like the calm before the storm. you can't just go saying the-c-word on national television and not expect repercussions! shit's gonna go down at some point. i just hope we're all ready to handle the end of civilization via fonda.

or more likely, nobody cares anymore (if they cared to begin with) and the only time this will matter is when the FCC, months from now, hands a big fine to NBC for airing that word and we're forced to have a nonsense debate about the significance of her saying it to begin with.

Greatest Things in LA

via Franklin Avenue... here's a fun tourney-style competition about the best things in los angeles. as i said in his comments, the most interesting one to me is vin scully vs. central library. vin scully is gonna destroy the library (baseball vs. reading?!?! NO way). i totally appreciate vin scully's contributions to the dodgers and baseball, i LOVE that he's an institution here in LA, and i think he's probably a GREAT guy (how great a Grandpa would he be?!?!). that being said, he often drives me nuts during games. there. i said it. phew! what a relief! he NEVER stops talking. EVER. he's always citing some stat or some story related to the current play. they're usually at least somewhat interesting... but i wouldn't mind a little shush-shush time. not a ton... just a few seconds here and there during a game so i can hear the fans, the vendors, etc. it feels like he's talking AT me. disclaimer: perhaps i'm just partial to harry kalas 'cause i'm a phillies phan. i could listen to him ALL DAY LONG!

http://franklinavenue.blogspot.com/2008/02/64-reasons-you-love-la.html

btw, my vote in that category isn't so much a vote against vin scully (despite what the previous paragraph makes it seem like). i really do think the Central Library is awesome and i'm bummed i don't get there more often. check it out sometime if you've never been there before.

Cozy

it doesn't get too cold in LA, but today is pretty close. i'm spending most of my time right here.

Performance Art is Neato

i'd love to be snarky and hateful... but this is pretty cool.

http://la.curbed.com/archives/2008/02/frozen_public_a.php#comment-53345

when you get this many people together, it's not annoying, it's impressive. and maybe it was just the camera work, but they were REALLY still. i'd be all shaky and blinky and i'd feel itchy and i'd be gritting my teeth so that i wouldn't break but it'd be all i could think about and i'd twitch and fight it for about a minute before i'd have to scratch and move. oh god it'd be awful. but it's cool when other people do it.

the post says they're doing one in LA this week... that'd be fun to bump into.

What's good about sports...

i've always said, "sports would be great if it weren't for the a-hole athletes." well, this weekend brought two reminders of how fun sports can be... and it's due to good characters who happen to be athletes.

1. thanks to schmeltz for forwarding me this link. sir charles himself says he's running for governor in 2014. and what's most exciting... he says some intelligent, reasonable, tolerant, political beliefs - that i happen to agree with. viva fiscal responsibility and social liberty!

   http://www.breitbart.tv/html/48184.html

2. the phillies are getting a lot of press for their recently heated rivalry with the mets. awesome. it was great to see the phils back up jimmy rollins's "team to beat" trash-talk last year. it's also good to see them take some time out from spring training to keep it loose. kendrick is in shock... and it's really fun to laugh at him. why do i have a feeling brett myers would've knifed someone if this was played on him?
   
   http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/mlb_experts/post/This-Phillies-prank-on-Kyle-Kendrick-works-on-so?urn=mlb%2C67279

yes, lots of athletes are douchebags... but this is fun stuff.

Peculiar Distractions - A Guy Thing

first things first, "peculiar distractions" = '80s new wave band.

so i went to the movies last night with my wife ("definitely, maybe" with ryan reynolds, abigail breslin, and an array of VERY hot actresses playing his girlfriends). i made peace with the fact that it was probably going to suck because i hadn't heard of the movie until my wife mentioned it yesterday afternoon. it's not like i'm in a bubble or something. i'm not sure what their marketing budget was, but it wasn't high enough. for the record, it didn't suck. not great, but not a waste of two hours either and it had a few funny moments.

anyway, about halfway through the movie, there was a bar scene that took place in the mid-90s and on the tv behind the characters was an old basketball game. talk about "a guy thing" - it's all i could pay attention to. my eyes immediately went to the out-of-focus game and i thought, "i wonder what game that is." very quickly i realized there was lots of orange on the screen. being a die-hard SYRACUSE fan, i thought, "huh, that'd be neat if it was an old syracuse game." the most frustrating part... i'm pretty positive it WAS an old syracuse game... but the camera panned down leaving only a sliver of the tv screen. i spent the rest of the scene not paying attention AT ALL to the movie, quietly gritting my teeth and thinking "pan up. pan up. pan up. PAN THE HELL UP SO I CAN SEE THE GAME ON THE TV!!!"

naturally, they never panned up. but in those few seconds of viewing... i'm pretty sure it was a mid-90s syracuse-villanova game at the carrier dome. which means i would've been AT the game. which makes me REALLY wish they panned up. i can only assume that syracuse won and the camera operator was a 'nova fan.

okay, off to watch syracuse rescue its NCAA bid by destroying georgetown! GO 'CUSE!!!

BREAKING NEWS: LA TRAFFIC BLOWS

honestly, one and a half hours to go from studio city to marina del rey at 3pm?!?!?! the worst part is i (mistakenly) thought i'd be beating the traffic by a little bit. that was part of my plan. now, i know it's a holiday weekend and all that crap, but COME ON! it's only 20 miles!!! and no traffic report told me how bad the 405 really was. and once i got off the 405, this freaking city can't synchronize ANY stoplights. how f'ing hard can it be to synchronize stoplights so that all the cars don't have to stop their 10 mph creep every fifteen feet for the next light?!?! how soon until the 'subway to the sea' is done?

btw, can you believe the controversial, previously unexplored ground i'm covering here? i mean, who has EVER mentioned LA traffic in a blog before? wait, why am i busting my own balls here?

Jane Fonda rules!

i wish every guest on The Today Show would figure out a way to work the c-word in!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3qXUFyzrjM

but seriously, conservatives are gonna get all bent out of shape over this and pressure the FCC to fine NBC for it. call me crazy... but jane fonda's slip isn't ruining our future generations. guns ruin future generations. wait, is that the saying? a jane fonda is a terrible thing to was-- oh nevermind.

Baseball is annoying

watched the sportscenter highlights of the roger clemens-brian mcnamee congressional hearings yesterday. some thoughts:

1. i strongly agree with people that say "doesn't congress have anything better to do with their time?" i know performance-enhancing drugs are a scourge on the game, but seriously, we've got other issues to worry about.
2. when everyone else corroborates mcnamee's previous confessions, it sure seems hard to believe clemens's denials. but it is kinda entertaining to watch him DENY DENY DENY!
3. the congressmen/women are awful. you can totally see why congress is holding these hearings once you see the douchebags on the dais doing the questioning. since it's not a court trial, they sure do love taking the opportunity to grandstand and pontificate (and other big words) about the importance of the hearing and the truthfulness/deceitfulness of the two getting questioned. i'll bet a few of them don't even know who these two guys are, and yet there they are acting like their opinion matters. which, sadly, it does because they're members of congress.
4. the PHILLIES won the NL East last year. and no major players were named in the mitchell report. can we get back to them playing so they can make some noise in the playoffs this year?!?!

and that's more than enough for now.

Long time reader, first time blogger.

i've been reading these-here blogs for years and i'm finally getting off my butt to write one of my own. i've got opinions and talent and other bloggish stuff, so why not, right? and what better day to start than valentine's day? don't see the connection? neither do i. regardless, here it is, my first blog post. get ready for lots more awesome stuff...