The Things I've Seen...

so driving around LA, you see all sorts of things that confuse/inspire/anger you. here's a few from my last couple weeks. sorry for the crappy photos, but it's tough to snap good pics while driving a stick shift.


up first... this guy. he's got an old-timey motorcycle, a faceless helmet, and, yes, a backpack with a perfectly placed baguette sticking out the top. he's soooo out of central casting, i had to look around to see if i'd driven into a movie shoot. did props put the baguette there?!?!


this old volvo is PERFECTION. right down to the cute mutt hanging out in the passenger seat. (not that there's anything wrong with my old volvo.)


it's hard to see in this photo, but that is a nice drawing of a cow on the door. no other indication of what this truck's owner does. just a picture of a cow on the door. which wouldn't be so weird in wisconsin. but as you can see, this is on venice boulevard in the middle of LA. is there a nearby dairy farm i'm not aware of?


you see these douchebag DUI attorney ads all over the bus system. this one amazes me in its absolutely TERRIBLE picture. who can trust this guy to win in court if he can't even pose for a picture without unconvincingly holding the phone. "hello, amir? this is trevor. it might help your business to not look like an a-hole on your bus bench ad. later."


last one... very bad photo, but you've all seen this before: a hospital employee out in public in their scrubs. this woman, in particular, is wearing a full-on wrap thing on top of normal scrubs, like she's a surgeon or something. doesn't stopping to get gas defeat the whole point of scrubs?! being a bit of a germophobe, i will now be completely creeped out that the guy about to operate on my delicate organs was just touching a filthy gas station pump on his lunch break. i mean, even if you wash your hands, germs get on the scrubs... then back onto your hands... and then into my body orifice. PLEASE, PACK A CHANGE OF CLOTHES!

Hillary annoys me

didja see hillary's speech in carolina today? olbermann just showed some clips of her practically begging obama for another debate. that's fine. always campaigning. i get that. but like my mom said to me about ten times a day as i was growing up... it's not what you say, it's how you say it. it's subtle, but hillary was DEFINITELY sprinkling in hints of a southern accent. it's pathetic, isn't it?

i can't wait to hear her adopt a britney/madonna british accent next time she's in vermont before an aide whispers in her ear, "we're in NEW england, ma'am. NEW england."

this plus the knee-jerk reaction to lie rather than say "i don't know" or "i have to think about that" really upsets me.

Things that make me go hmmm...

how exactly do scissors know if you're using them right- or left-handed?

Gotta Buck?

here's something that annoys me and probably no one else on the planet... driving around a lot today and kept seeing burger king billboards promoting their dollar menu. the billboards say "gotta buck?" i'm not stupid. i understand their point. their asking if you have a dollar. but they're actually not asking that. you see, it should say "got a buck?" by saying "gotta buck" they're actually asking "got to buck?" (which means an entirely different thing). "gotta" does not equal "got a." how does this happen? did they just like the look of "gotta" on the billboard? did they not realize their mistake? is it a joke similar to that t-shirt that shows the union jack but has "greece" written under it? are they actually implying "got to buck?" and i'm just too dumb to see the genius of that? no matter what, it annoys the living piss outta (meaning "out of") me. so i just googled to see if ANYBODY else on the planet has noticed this, i found this intelligent blogger... http://littlemissnomad.blogspot.com/2008/04/burger-king-botches-billboard.html (who also brilliantly points out that "gotta buck?" is no shorter than "got a buck?"). are we the only people bothered by this in the whole world?!?! maybe that's good. i don't wanna (meaning "want to") promote burger king if they're gonna (meaning "going to") be all willy-nilly with the english language. f them. i got a buck... and it's going to mcdonalds.

What the polygamist cult has taught me...

if this is the alternative, i appreciate womens eyebrow grooming now more than ever.

What the f?!?!

thanks to the cynopsis newsletter for this... wait, is 'thanks' the right word?

i actually made it all the way through. my favorite character? the butchy/boyish fake courtney cox "bruce" pulls on stage.

Say what now???

Just overheard this at Starbucks... Barista: 'Do you mind waiting? I don't have any coffee.' Tee-hee.

Toxic music

i admit to liking britney spears' song "toxic." but being a reasonable person, i admit that that's cause for being made fun of. am i allowed to like this version? (she's the same chick that does the music in that macbook air ad.)

Great Underrated Early '90s Song

i have had this gem stuck in my head for days. i LOVED this song when it was popular... and it was pretty huge for a while. what amazes me is how many people i've asked don't remember it. EVERYBODY remembers the band name - kinda hard to ever forget Tony! Toni! Tone! this is my small part to get this song back out there. i mean, why have i heard Color Me Badd recently and not this?!?!

btw, if you wanna be a super-cool hipster guitarist guy that does acoustic versions of older songs outside his demographic (you know who you are), i present this as your ticket to stardom!

No mention of how he chills

honestly, things have taken a dark turn at Penn State.

http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2008/04/08/police_bell_pulls_knife_in_com.aspx

last week, it was a pervy basketball player "selling hand lotion." this time, it's a football player stabbing people. at Miami, these stories wouldn't even register but Penn State is usually better than this. let's just all steer clear of PSU athletes for the foreseeable future.

This is how I chill, ma'am.

thanks to deadspin for the heads-up on this one...

http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2008/04/04/pringle_denies_masturbation_in.aspx

awesome. since we all know most athletes are dirtbags, i TOTALLY believe this woman's story no matter how ridiculous it sounds. who couldn't picture some cocky basketball player saying "wanna buy some hand lotion i'm selling for the basketball team?" i would LOVE to have been there to hear her "impression" of the smacking sound he was making. and of course, nothing beats the explanation that he relaxes with his hands down his pants. "this is how i chill, ma'am." what a friendly, polite, reasonable explanation, kind sir!

2 Gems

1. this is what youtube is all about - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4awABkISAc - it's almost 9 minutes of LA city council insanity and if you can tell me what the h is going on, i'd appreciate it.

2. perhaps this is my next date night with the wife..? - http://www.grilledcheeseinvitational.com - be sure to check out the eric idle video on the front page. (now i'm really hungry for grilled cheese, btw.)

Clinton vs. Obama

i'm not the only one with the election on my mind (obvious alert!). my smart buddy eric has this to say on that fancy-pants huffington post...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eric-schmeltzer/till-the-convention-ugly_b_94341.html

i understand how tough it would be for clinton to drop out now. part of me respects even mike huckabee that he waited 'til mccain officially had the nomination delegates. that being said, sometimes it's more important to think "bigger picture." obama has the lead. most every indicator shows that obama will win despite it not being "mathematical" yet. i know this is expanding the argument quite a bit, but her unwillingness thus far to drop out, in my mind, shines a not-so-nice light on her as someone who's unable to work for the greater good of her party and the country. and we already have a stubborn, stick-to-his-guns-no-matter-what guy in the white house. no thanks to four more years of that.