REVIEW: Landmark Theaters and Charlie Bartlett

did another date night with the wife last night. i think i like her like her... weird. we've wanted to see the new Landmark Theaters in the westside pavilion and finally found a movie worth going there for... Charlie Bartlett. i guess i'm supposed to warn you that there's spoilers in this review... but then again, if you've ever seen a movie before, i'm not giving anything away that you wouldn't already know.

first things first, the theaters were nice. inside, they're your typical new design with stadium seating, huge screens, good sound, and that guy that comes out and talks to you before the flick starts. "wait, wait. if there's a problem with the movie projection, i should get up and do what? i'm confused!" they're very arclight-esque... but the lobby and surroundings are smaller and less design-centric. only real problem: when you walk out of the theater after the movie, they have fluorescent lights in the floor that are at worst blinding and at least really uncomfortable for the first few steps out of the darkness. hey, landmark - get a dimmer! then again, maybe if the movie was better, the lights wouldn't be so bad.

and onto the movie... Charlie Bartlett starring Anton Yelchin. wife and i have been a fan of his since he played Birdy on the too-short-lived drama Huff on showtime. but Charlie Bartlett is no Huff. it's the kind of movie you watch and think, "hmmm, it seems like a really good idea. where did they go so wrong in the execution?!" the most glaring problem for us was the near total lack of a realistic high school experience. apparently, the writer and director never went to high school and used cheesy, early '80s movies as their only research... right down to the bad, bully character that has tattoos and gains satisfaction acting in a play, the high school party that could never occur in any high school anywhere (live band playing in a packed theater?!), and the dating the principal's daughter storyline (spoiler: they actually really like each other!). it had so many devices that were so unrealistic, it completely took you out of enjoying the story of a rich, prep school kid that gains acceptance by being a quasi-school psychiatrist. kids line up for his advice... literally dozens deep, and the principal Robert Downey, Jr. has NO clue what's going on in the restroom stalls?!?! and there was some sub-plot about students being pissed that security cameras were installed in their outdoor student lounge. okay, i'll buy kids might be angry about security cameras... but it's in a student lounge that is so not what a real student lounge would be like if i believed public schools actually had "student lounges." our two favorite parts (for all the wrong reasons): charlie returning to school to the ridiculous cheers of the student body, who line the hallway and clap as he walks to his locker... and the moment when charlie and the bully/new business partner sell ritalin to the kids at the dance and the kids freak out like they dropped bad acid (though that was a nice way to work in some boobs!).

very disappointing movie... i urge you, if you're looking for a coming-of-age type of flick, to rent Outside Providence... which is roughly this story in reverse. a bad kid goes from public to private school. then again, i would like someone else to see this movie 'cause i think it'd be really fun to one-up each other with "ooh, remember that stupidness when..."

REVIEW: Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me LIVE!

the wife and i went to the steve allen theater last night for a show. yes, it was "date night." and what better way to celebrate our marital bliss than by listening to comics talk about their past failed attempts at romance? it was ben karlin's (the onion, the daily show, the colbert report) "things i've learned from women who've dumped me LIVE!"

overall, a very good show... patton oswalt hosted and while i don't always love him (he's a bit too nerd-cranky for me), he did a funny set about going to the oscars and other topical stuff. the only distraction was that i kept thinking to myself, "what does this have to do with learning from women who've dumped him?" i guess his set wasn't supposed to connect. anyhoo... larry wilmore (creator of "the bernie mac show" and now SENIOR black correspondent for "the daily show") read an abridged piece with a title something along the lines of "women are never too young to hurt you." it was basically a diary of the first year of his daughter's life... and how she hated her dad. nothing riveting and SPOILER ALERT he still loves her a year later. david wain (the state, stella, wainy days) did a hysterical staged reading with kerri kinney and david krumholz of wain's attempted wooing of a girl that defines the word "flake." i can already anticipate the wife and i saying "okay then, just keep me in the loop" whenever we have phone conversations that already finalize our plans. rodney rothman (former letterman writer) presented, via iChat, an animated piece of a phone call he had with jessica, a girl he's had a crush on since high school and a girl who does NOT remember making out with rodney years ago. bob odenkirk (mr. show) kicked ass with a faux-seminar coaching people to put 9 years (!!!) into a relationship before bailing. and OK Go provided the live music.

3 out of 4 readings were hysterical. wilmore's was still all right - just not my cup of tea. the music was decent - though i could've done with hearing a couple more songs since i'm probably never gonna get such an intimate OK Go show. and patton oswalt was really funny throughout the night. i highly recommend going if they continue putting these shows up in NYC or LA... but since the "cast" rotates, be sure to make sure you like the people reading that night.

http://www.steveallentheater.com/dumped
& http://www.amazon.com/Things-Learned-Women-Whove-Dumped/dp/0446580694

Craigslist Culver City Rental

i'm all for trying to sell potential customers on your rental unit, but you've gotta have some scruples. right? anyone? no?

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/apa/581946618.html

if you're too lazy to click and read, let me summarize it for you. they take a paragraph describing the amenities and characteristics of this culver city apartment and end with this: "And coming soon a TRAIN that goes from Downtown LA to Culver City to Santa Monica." COMING SOON?!?! they are YEARS away from having the expo line done... and even further from having the portion that goes from culver city to santa monica. absolute nonsense! it's a cheap ploy to get some interest in your place... because nobody in their right mind worries about a possible amenity TEN YEARS FROM NOW.

i sent an e-mail to curbed about it last night - they have a recurring feature highlighting bad craigslist ads i thought this would be great for. anyway, there's some funny comments over there...
http://la.curbed.com/archives/2008/02/culver_city_ren.php#reader_comments

Jane Fonda: UPDATE?

seriously, people, it's been over a week since hanoi jane said the-c-word on the today show and, as far as i know, she's still walking free. not only that, but our country is still humming along, seemingly unaffected, as if all is right and fine. it's like the calm before the storm. you can't just go saying the-c-word on national television and not expect repercussions! shit's gonna go down at some point. i just hope we're all ready to handle the end of civilization via fonda.

or more likely, nobody cares anymore (if they cared to begin with) and the only time this will matter is when the FCC, months from now, hands a big fine to NBC for airing that word and we're forced to have a nonsense debate about the significance of her saying it to begin with.

Greatest Things in LA

via Franklin Avenue... here's a fun tourney-style competition about the best things in los angeles. as i said in his comments, the most interesting one to me is vin scully vs. central library. vin scully is gonna destroy the library (baseball vs. reading?!?! NO way). i totally appreciate vin scully's contributions to the dodgers and baseball, i LOVE that he's an institution here in LA, and i think he's probably a GREAT guy (how great a Grandpa would he be?!?!). that being said, he often drives me nuts during games. there. i said it. phew! what a relief! he NEVER stops talking. EVER. he's always citing some stat or some story related to the current play. they're usually at least somewhat interesting... but i wouldn't mind a little shush-shush time. not a ton... just a few seconds here and there during a game so i can hear the fans, the vendors, etc. it feels like he's talking AT me. disclaimer: perhaps i'm just partial to harry kalas 'cause i'm a phillies phan. i could listen to him ALL DAY LONG!

http://franklinavenue.blogspot.com/2008/02/64-reasons-you-love-la.html

btw, my vote in that category isn't so much a vote against vin scully (despite what the previous paragraph makes it seem like). i really do think the Central Library is awesome and i'm bummed i don't get there more often. check it out sometime if you've never been there before.

Cozy

it doesn't get too cold in LA, but today is pretty close. i'm spending most of my time right here.

Performance Art is Neato

i'd love to be snarky and hateful... but this is pretty cool.

http://la.curbed.com/archives/2008/02/frozen_public_a.php#comment-53345

when you get this many people together, it's not annoying, it's impressive. and maybe it was just the camera work, but they were REALLY still. i'd be all shaky and blinky and i'd feel itchy and i'd be gritting my teeth so that i wouldn't break but it'd be all i could think about and i'd twitch and fight it for about a minute before i'd have to scratch and move. oh god it'd be awful. but it's cool when other people do it.

the post says they're doing one in LA this week... that'd be fun to bump into.

What's good about sports...

i've always said, "sports would be great if it weren't for the a-hole athletes." well, this weekend brought two reminders of how fun sports can be... and it's due to good characters who happen to be athletes.

1. thanks to schmeltz for forwarding me this link. sir charles himself says he's running for governor in 2014. and what's most exciting... he says some intelligent, reasonable, tolerant, political beliefs - that i happen to agree with. viva fiscal responsibility and social liberty!

   http://www.breitbart.tv/html/48184.html

2. the phillies are getting a lot of press for their recently heated rivalry with the mets. awesome. it was great to see the phils back up jimmy rollins's "team to beat" trash-talk last year. it's also good to see them take some time out from spring training to keep it loose. kendrick is in shock... and it's really fun to laugh at him. why do i have a feeling brett myers would've knifed someone if this was played on him?
   
   http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/mlb_experts/post/This-Phillies-prank-on-Kyle-Kendrick-works-on-so?urn=mlb%2C67279

yes, lots of athletes are douchebags... but this is fun stuff.

Peculiar Distractions - A Guy Thing

first things first, "peculiar distractions" = '80s new wave band.

so i went to the movies last night with my wife ("definitely, maybe" with ryan reynolds, abigail breslin, and an array of VERY hot actresses playing his girlfriends). i made peace with the fact that it was probably going to suck because i hadn't heard of the movie until my wife mentioned it yesterday afternoon. it's not like i'm in a bubble or something. i'm not sure what their marketing budget was, but it wasn't high enough. for the record, it didn't suck. not great, but not a waste of two hours either and it had a few funny moments.

anyway, about halfway through the movie, there was a bar scene that took place in the mid-90s and on the tv behind the characters was an old basketball game. talk about "a guy thing" - it's all i could pay attention to. my eyes immediately went to the out-of-focus game and i thought, "i wonder what game that is." very quickly i realized there was lots of orange on the screen. being a die-hard SYRACUSE fan, i thought, "huh, that'd be neat if it was an old syracuse game." the most frustrating part... i'm pretty positive it WAS an old syracuse game... but the camera panned down leaving only a sliver of the tv screen. i spent the rest of the scene not paying attention AT ALL to the movie, quietly gritting my teeth and thinking "pan up. pan up. pan up. PAN THE HELL UP SO I CAN SEE THE GAME ON THE TV!!!"

naturally, they never panned up. but in those few seconds of viewing... i'm pretty sure it was a mid-90s syracuse-villanova game at the carrier dome. which means i would've been AT the game. which makes me REALLY wish they panned up. i can only assume that syracuse won and the camera operator was a 'nova fan.

okay, off to watch syracuse rescue its NCAA bid by destroying georgetown! GO 'CUSE!!!

BREAKING NEWS: LA TRAFFIC BLOWS

honestly, one and a half hours to go from studio city to marina del rey at 3pm?!?!?! the worst part is i (mistakenly) thought i'd be beating the traffic by a little bit. that was part of my plan. now, i know it's a holiday weekend and all that crap, but COME ON! it's only 20 miles!!! and no traffic report told me how bad the 405 really was. and once i got off the 405, this freaking city can't synchronize ANY stoplights. how f'ing hard can it be to synchronize stoplights so that all the cars don't have to stop their 10 mph creep every fifteen feet for the next light?!?! how soon until the 'subway to the sea' is done?

btw, can you believe the controversial, previously unexplored ground i'm covering here? i mean, who has EVER mentioned LA traffic in a blog before? wait, why am i busting my own balls here?

Jane Fonda rules!

i wish every guest on The Today Show would figure out a way to work the c-word in!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3qXUFyzrjM

but seriously, conservatives are gonna get all bent out of shape over this and pressure the FCC to fine NBC for it. call me crazy... but jane fonda's slip isn't ruining our future generations. guns ruin future generations. wait, is that the saying? a jane fonda is a terrible thing to was-- oh nevermind.

Baseball is annoying

watched the sportscenter highlights of the roger clemens-brian mcnamee congressional hearings yesterday. some thoughts:

1. i strongly agree with people that say "doesn't congress have anything better to do with their time?" i know performance-enhancing drugs are a scourge on the game, but seriously, we've got other issues to worry about.
2. when everyone else corroborates mcnamee's previous confessions, it sure seems hard to believe clemens's denials. but it is kinda entertaining to watch him DENY DENY DENY!
3. the congressmen/women are awful. you can totally see why congress is holding these hearings once you see the douchebags on the dais doing the questioning. since it's not a court trial, they sure do love taking the opportunity to grandstand and pontificate (and other big words) about the importance of the hearing and the truthfulness/deceitfulness of the two getting questioned. i'll bet a few of them don't even know who these two guys are, and yet there they are acting like their opinion matters. which, sadly, it does because they're members of congress.
4. the PHILLIES won the NL East last year. and no major players were named in the mitchell report. can we get back to them playing so they can make some noise in the playoffs this year?!?!

and that's more than enough for now.

Long time reader, first time blogger.

i've been reading these-here blogs for years and i'm finally getting off my butt to write one of my own. i've got opinions and talent and other bloggish stuff, so why not, right? and what better day to start than valentine's day? don't see the connection? neither do i. regardless, here it is, my first blog post. get ready for lots more awesome stuff...