The Onion is amazing

Do yourself a favor and spend the next hour reading through all of these...

http://www.theonion.com/features/strongsideweakside/

Death Comes to Town and kills me

Does it intimidate, depress, and inspire you when you see someone totally rule at what you do for a living and make you think "Man, I'll never do anything that good."

A friend has been going through the trouble of downloading episodes of the new Kids In The Hall series "Death Comes to Town" (it doesn't air here in the US yet) and last night I watched the 5 that have aired so far in Canada. It's completely disheartening and inspiring.

Disheartening - I'll never do anything this clever, funny, and well made in my comedy career. And even if I did, I'm not sure a US station would ever air it. Do bankers, lawyers, and construction workers ever feel this way? Does a doctor watch a surgeon on some crazy TLC show and think, "Damn! I'd never be able to do that! You see the way he thought to slice that artery and stitch that incision?! GENIUS!" That begs the question, "How little does Trevor know about doctors that he could only come up with 'artery' and 'incision' in his example?" As a comedy writer, I watched it and loved it. And then immediately thought everything I've ever written or shot was a piece of poo.

Inspiring - After all these years, my favorite sketch group still has it. They're older and fatter but you'd be wrong to think "They're just doing a show for a paycheck at this point." I'd almost say this is the best thing they've done yet, but it's only been 5 episodes so I have to give it some time. But a funny thing happens when I see REEEALLY good stuff. I watch it, love it, get depressed I didn't create it, then my brain starts firing on all cylinders to make something of my own that will hopefully be great. Can I do it? Who knows? But I'll try (and hopefully get rich in the process!).

And if anyone ever actually read this, this is where they would answer my questions in the comments section with very hurtful, unnecessary answers (that may be a little too true for my liking).

Bitch.

Gone for a while. This inspired me to return. Go figure.

Women's Olympic Wrestling? Oh yeah!

i didn't know women's wrestling even existed in the Olympics. seeing the 55kg gold medal match was a nice benefit of having a little case of insomnia. don't believe me that women's wrestling exists? just take a look at this guy:



or this japanese dude that won the gold:



sadly, none of these fine athletes were in the Beijing games:



not even Mt. Fuji:



oh well. maybe if she trains hard enough, she can get there in 2012!

Marvin didn't try to be Magic

if you've watched any Olympics coverage, you've no doubt seen the Nike commercial featuring a short version of this performance. simply put, the best and smoothest version of our national anthem i've ever heard. it's weird that this wasn't more popular before Nike used it (or maybe it was and i just didn't know it).

Breaking Favre News!

i'm more than a little tired of all the Brett Favre coverage. i hate when any one player becomes bigger than the team. this video has over 54,000 views. what is it? it's Brett running one lap at Jets camp because he fumbled during a drill. that's it. Brett running a lap. i'm embarrassed that i'm 1 of the 54,000 that watched it. why can't i stop contributing to the madness?!



i'm not sure what i was expecting to see. was i hoping a crazed Packer fan would run out and latch onto Brett without ever letting go? was i hoping he'd fall and hurt himself? i wonder how many laps Noodle Arm Pennington used to have to run? maybe he was too tired from running laps to pay effectively on sundays? there's your lesson, Dolphins!

i do think that it would be hilarious if after all this brouhaha, Favre got injured in the first couple games of the season and didn't play again. and while i'm tired of all the coverage, i can't begin to explain how nice it is to watch this much drama happen to another team. ROT IN HELL, TERRELL OWENS! FLY EAGLES FLY!

Top Rejected Facebook Statuses After This Morning's EARTHQUAKE!

Trevor is eating a bowl of cer-- OH GOD WHY IS THE APARTMENT SHAKING I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL NEVER LOOK AT INTERNET PORN AGAIN IF IT JUST STOPS NOW!!!!

Trevor is not afraid of earthquakes. BRING IT ON, GOD, YOU PUSSY!

Trevor can't wait to watch ten hours of news coverage of the fallout of "Earth Slam '08!" focusing on the terrible aftermath... like a broken bottle at a supermarket, a woman who had to walk into her daughter's bedroom to "check on her," and Rob Fukuzaki coming up next with sports!

Trevor wonders how uncomfortable it would've been to be pinned in the fetal position under his desk for hours and hours.

Trevor still doesn't believe that standing in a doorway would do a damn thing or that running outside where there's no building to fall on you is a bad idea.

Trevor wishes this...

wasn't the picture they put on the "Earthquake Preparedness" webpage. I don't think "canned goods" helped anyone in there.